


Hide the Pickles

by ArcticLucie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Grocery Shopping, Kissing, M/M, Meet-Cute, Minor Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Past Tony Stark/Tiberius Stone, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 20:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcticLucie/pseuds/ArcticLucie
Summary: Tony goes to the store to get a pregnant Pepper some pickles only to walk out with a little more than he bargained for.





	Hide the Pickles

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing these three idiots. <3
> 
> Enjoy!

Tony hadn’t stepped foot in an actual grocery store in _ years. _ He had assistants for that sort of thing. But he somehow found himself trudging his way through a maze of aisles in an attempt to locate a very specific jar of pickles. Pepper had made a request that might have involved threats to his manhood if he didn’t deliver, and who was he to refuse a pregnant woman pickles?

He lucked into finding the condiment aisle after doubling back to the produce section to grab the blueberries he’d eyed on the way in. He snuck one out of the plastic carton and popped it into his mouth, moaning as the tart juice burst to life on his tongue. Satisfied for the moment, he took stock of the surprising array of pickle jars and began his hunt for whole baby kosher dills. 

Fucking hell, how many types of pickles did they make?

A few more blueberries later and his head lolled back as he groaned at the thought of walking to the front for a cart because he gave serious consideration to buying all the pickles in the store. Hell, all the pickles in Manhattan. He couldn’t take any chances; his dick depended on it. 

“Are the blueberries that bad? ‘Cause I’ll put mine back and get the raspberries instead,” a velvety voice all but purred from behind him. And not for the first time in his life, Tony thought he might have a voice kink.

“No, they’re delicious,” he muttered around the fruit, turning and almost choking to death at the sight of the hottest guy he’d ever seen smirking down at him. Because _ damn _! All tall and built and fucking gorgeous, even with the ridiculously cute manbun he rocked. The man’s smirk morphed into concern as he coughed, but Tony waved him off and continued. “My pregnant assistant sent me on a pickle run, and if I don’t bring back the exact ones, I fear for my safety. And god only knows I owe her for putting up with me. Her wife’s out of town, so I’m stuck on pickle duty. Any chance you wanna play I spy baby kosher dills?”

He managed to stop his ramblings before he bored the hell out of Mr. Gorgeous with details of he, Pepper, and Nat’s modern approach to parenting. Or scared him off with his lewd suggestion to play hide the pickle. The latter took every ounce of self-restraint because the temptation to return to a hormonal Pepper empty handed in exchange for a ride on the delicious eye candy in front of him was enough to tests the gods themselves.

“You mean these?” the man asked, reaching by him—a meaty bicep making Tony’s mouth water—and plucking a jar off the shelve.

Tony refused to lose himself in the wintery blue eyes staring smugly at him. He failed. “Uh, yep, those are the ones.” He reached for the jar but froze when he registered Ty’s haunting voice calling his name from the other end of the aisle. He choked again as he gave a quick glimpse toward his ex before looking back at Mr. Gorgeous.

“This is gonna sound completely insane, but I’ll give you a thousand dollars to pretend to be my boyfriend,” Tony said in a mad rush to get the words out before Ty reached them. At the confused face he got in returned, he added, “Two thousand… ten thousand?” He could hear Ty’s shoes clicking closer over the dirty tiles, the panic building in his chest as his desperation bled through. “I’ll give you anything you want.”

“_ Anything _?”

Tony had just enough time to nod before soft lips crashed into his, a strong yet surprisingly gentle hand carding through his hair. The line of heat that settled against him had him melting into it, and for the briefest second, he’d forgotten everything he’d ever known, because holy arc reactors, Batman, he’d never been kissed with that much passion in his entire life. It curled his toes and weakened his knees, and if he stopped to listen he probably would’ve heard cherubs or something equally cliche serenading them.

Was the store spinning or did he forget how to breathe?

All too soon, the kiss tapered off, a chaste press of lips signaling the end, but Tony couldn’t make his fingers release the shirt he had a deathgrip on. Especially when Ty started speaking.

“Tony, I thought that was you. It’s been awhile. How have you been?” Ty asked, his chipper smile not able to hide the undercurrent of possessive jealousy and ire at seeing Tony with someone else.

The hand on Tony’s back slithered downward and pulled him closer against his hero, and fuck, was he some kind of romance heroine here? Not that he minded having strong yet tender arms holding him tight to a chiseled chest. Nope, not at all.

“Never been better, Ty,” Tony said, doing his best to keep his voice level. “Kicking you to the curb was the best thing I ever did.” Ty’s smile turned into a sneer as he gave Mr. Gorgeous the once over. Tony wanted to punch him in the face, but he knew it wouldn’t give him the satisfaction he wanted.

“The name’s Bucky, and I’d shake your hand but they’re kinda full,” Bucky said, hand slipping a little further down to squeeze Tony’s ass. He still had the pickle jar in the other, but Tony had no idea what happened to his blueberries.

Ty scoffed as he scowled at them. “Where’d you find this one, Tony? Dancing on a pole?”

“No,” someone answered from behind them. Tony turned and almost choked for a third time when his eyes landed on a dashingly handsome blond taking in the awkwardness in front of him. “At our art gallery. Everything all right, Buck?”

“Steve, doll, Tony found the pickles you love.” 

He and Bucky had a silent conversation before Steve smiled at them, bright and breathtaking. He stepped in close and kissed Tony with the same amount of reverence that Bucky had, and if Tony had had any bones left, they would’ve dissolved in the fire now consuming him. 

“Aww, thanks, sweetheart,” Steve said when he broke the kiss. “You're both so good to me.” He gave Bucky a quick peck on the cheek, and then turned his attention to Ty like he’d forgotten him. “And you are?”

“My ex, and he was just leaving,” Tony said, narrowing his eyes at Ty.

“See ya around, Tony,” Ty replied, staring him down like he hadn’t just lost the fight.

The three of them watched him spin around and storm off after Bucky growled, “Not if we can help it.”

Tony didn’t relax until Ty rounded the corner out of sight. He never wanted to see that asshole again. “Thank you so fucking much for that.”

“Something you two wanna tell me?” Steve asked as he stepped back, crossing his impressive biceps over his chest. He didn’t look mad, but Tony released his grip and tried to ease himself out of Bucky’s arms. It didn’t work. Not that he tried too terribly hard.

“Tony here said he’d give me anything I wanted if I pretended to be his boyfriend when his douchebag of an ex walked up,” Bucky explained, hand still holding firm to Tony’s ass.

Steve raised a brow, his eyes sparkling with the mischief mirrored in Bucky’s. “And what is it you want, Buck?”

The fire encapsulating Tony ratcheted up a thousand degrees when Bucky leaned back, darkened eyes sweeping up and down Tony's body as he licked his lips. Tony did not shiver at the tingle of anticipation running down his spine. Well, not until he looked over at Steve and saw the man’s predatory gaze transfixed on him. Oh hell yeah, he could work with that.

Tony reached into his pocket and fumbled with his phone to call Pepper. “Hey, Pep, yeah something came up. I’ll send Happy back with your pickles.” He ended the call before she had a chance to reply, his brain too scrambled with devilish thoughts to hold an actual conversation. “So, uh, do you two live around here? ‘Cause if not, I have no qualms about dragging you into the back and—” 

“Playing hide the pickles?” Bucky teased. Steve laughed so hard he doubled over as Tony stood there in a daze trying to puzzle out if he heard that right. If Bucky hadn’t had an arm around him, Tony didn’t know whether he would’ve collapsed into a ball of goo or floated all the way to Heaven’s gates

“I fucking love you guys already.” 

They didn’t end up in the storage room or at Steve and Bucky’s apartment. Instead, Tony dragged them all the way back to his penthouse, and he had no intention of ever letting them go. Not that he could’ve returned them anyway; unlike the pickles, they hadn’t come with a receipt.


End file.
